I was once one of those skinny people who never seemed to gain weight no matter what I did, then I hit 35…. Now I am thinking it is time to diet (shhh…. There’s a part of me that does not want to know yet!). So here’s my spoof on being skinny.
While most of us think we want to be super-skinny, we are obviously missing the fact that there are some serious disadvantages to take into account before signing up for this life style!
1. It’s tough to maintain. One large order of fries means at least 30 more minutes on the treadmill. For a more voluptuous frame you need to eat at least that much for snack just to maintain your weight!
2. Cell phones just fall out of your pant’s pockets because your thighs are just not be thick enough to fill a standard pant leg. And if you do wear ‘skinny jeans’ you can be sure that the more ‘stocky’ in nature will point out how immodest you are!
3. There is not enough room in your bra for cell phone, tissues etc. And if there is, you are just too dang sexy to get away with it!
4. If there is a famine, skinny people die first.
5. Being amenorrheaic means never knowing if your pregnant or not, and inconsistent periods (because you don’t have enough fat to manufacture hormones) means wearing white pants is probably not the best idea.
6. Children cannot get comfortable and snuggle on a bony frame. By being skinny you are not thinking of the kids! Shame on you.
7. You’re always cold because you lack insulation, and husbands hate cold feet in bed. (Not that gaining weight has helped this situation…)
8. It’s easy to overspend on clothes since everything fits and looks good on you!
9. People of the same sex assume you think you are better then the rest of us and don’t feel comfortable talking to you. And the less attractive don’t want to be seen near you.
10. People of the opposite sex want to date you for your body, not who you are. Think of the marital problems you could have avoided if you were just a little less ‘hot’ while he was dating you…
11. Sitting on hard surfaces hurts your butt because you lack padding.
12. Everyone assumes the dish you bring to the church potluck is going to suck.
13. People assume you do not want seconds, or desert, and don’t mind giving you the smallest piece.
14. When you burp, people notice. We expected more from you.
15. You will never win the armrest battle, or be offered the aisle seat.
Now on to try to lose some weight…