Christian living- dealing with one 'oops' at a time…

Archive for August, 2015

Forgiveness

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Jewish tradition teaches that we must attempt to reconcile with a person 3 times. And, the person who is being asked to forgive must struggle within themselves to forgive us. If, after 3 times that person cannot forgive then the process is over and the person seeking reconciliation may stop trying. The person who cannot forgive is written off as a ‘cruel person’ and life goes on.

This is not what Jesus says.

Jesus says we must forgive 7 time 70 times.

If the person is truly seeking forgiveness (not mere lip service while doing whatever they want on the side- Proverbs tells us to avoid them while they are still like that), then we must continue to try to work on the relationship.

It will be hard- hence the need to keep forgiving. The past will come back to mind- and we must forgive again. There will be stumbles, and we must forgive. BUT, if the person is trying to reconcile and is truly repentant, the process is to go on, and on, and on….

Relationships are important in God’s world.

BUT, they need to be good ones.

The unrepentant who are angry, the purposely foolish, the selfish, the lazy are still to face consequences and be avoided. You are not a doormat needing to be unnecessarily hurt.

But these consequences are not meant to be cruel, but to cause a life change so that repentance is possible.

Everything is about restoring relationships to a healthy status.

Examine your broken relationships and ask:

Is the person repentant?

Are they trying to change?

If they are- help them!

If they are not, look to scripture. Find the problem in Proverbs and avoid the person if necessary. Sometimes we enable people to stay as they are because they are getting what they want from us, which is sometimes a free, no consequence, punching bag to let out their frustrations on.

Don’t be the punching bag, but don’t be the cruel person who will not reconcile with a person trying to do better either.

When confused, ask a wise- been there, done that, type person who has no emotional involvement in the situation for help.

Who not to ask for help?

People who are emotionally involved in the situation (or a similar situation).

Why: They have their own baggage, which will cloud their judgment. It is difficult to help someone forgive, when you are struggling to forgive. It is also difficult to tell someone to stay strong and avoid a cruel person, when you, yourself are enabling them. So, if you are contemplating divorce, find people who have struggled and overcome, not those who are in the same boat. Misery loves company, but it is a placebo and it does not do us any good in the end.

People who have never faced a similar situation.

Sometimes we encounter people who have families so perfect it makes you want to barf. These people have likely never encountered the type of people you are dealing with. Though sometimes they have dealt with these problems and have overcome your situation so it is good to do some research because this is exactly who you need to ask!

So who do you ask?

Someone who can be objective who knows something about what you are going through. Fortunately (unfortunately?) our world is so messed us these people are not hard to find…

Category:

Life

Seven Types of Pharisees

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The Talmud defines seven types of Pharisees. *

  1. The ‘Shoulder’ Pharisee

This type of Pharisee carries all of his ‘good’ deeds on his shoulder so all can see (and it is assumed praise) him.

Make sure when you do good it is not for the praise, but because it is the right thing to do.

  1. The ‘Wait a Moment’ Pharisee

This type of Pharisee does not attend to the needs of the people who are right in front of him because he needs to go off and do good deeds for others.

This would be the pastor who cares for his flock, but ignores his family. Or the parent who always has to do something for work, the church or friends while their children are begging for attention.

  1. The ‘Bruised’ Pharisee

This Pharisee runs into a wall while trying not to look at a woman.

This is a person who takes the commands in the Bible too far and does stupid things in order to overly obey God’s laws. We see this person when they refuse to meet with a woman in a normal work situation when she has done nothing inappropriate to warrant this behavior towards her.

  1. The ‘Reckoning’ Pharisee

This type of Pharisee commits a sin, then performs a good deed to make up for it. He believes he can sin as long as he does something good to balance the scales.

This is the husband who is mean to his wife and then thinks that buying her something makes it all better. This is the wife who is mean to her husband and then thinks that letting him sleep with her makes it all right.

  1. The ‘Pestle’ Pharisee

This type of Pharisee’s head is bowed in false humility. He is always asking what his duty is, so that he may do it as if he has already done everything else.

This is the person who believes they do nothing wrong. They will say things like, ‘If you tell me what you want, I will do it’ as if it is your fault they are not living up to your expectations. The unreasonableness of your expectations is implied. They are not trying to change because all the fault in the relationship is the other person’s.

  1. The Pharisee of the ‘Fear of Consequences’

This Pharisee does good because he is afraid of what would happen if he does not do it. There is no love in his actions.

This person does all of the ‘right’ things, but it is empty because he is acting out of fear. It is difficult to explain to the person what they are doing wrong, because while their actions are ‘right,’ they clearly are not enjoying any of it. The fact that they do not want to do what they do is evident.

  1. The Pharisee of Love

This is the ‘right’ kind of Pharisee to be. Their motivation is love. There are two things they love- people and God in general, and the rewards from doing what is right.

In Jewish culture loving the rewards that are inherent in doing what is right is not wrong. This Pharisee’s goal is not selfish- they are not doing things just for gain, but they do love the things God blesses them with. This is a healthy relationship with God. The prime motivation is love, and there is thanks, praise and enjoyment when God blesses them.

*adapted from Jewish New Testament Commentary by David H. Stern 1992 p. 69-70

(please pray for Dr Stern, last report was that he was in very poor health)

Category:

Theology

You have Value- No Matter What You Have Done in the Past

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God is a God of redemption- a God who erases your past and doesn’t care what you have done. He is willing to forgive and use you mightily, so stop beating yourself up, stop repeating the past in your mind, and remember….

Rahab was a prostitute. (Just let that sink in.) She was not a virgin when she got married to Salmon, and her ‘number’ was probably over 1,000 (365 days in a year x a few years is quite a few men… Yet God used her to save the Israelite spies, allowed her to marry a very godly man, and she became an ancestor of Christ. If God can use her and give her a blessed life with a good man, then He can do the same for you! Stop feeling bad about your past and accept, and enjoy, the blessings God is trying to put in your life.

Bathsheba was an adulteress. Whether she enticed David, or simply felt like she had no choice we do not know, but we do know that she, and David, were unfaithful, yet she too was chosen as an ancestor of Christ, and David (who had her husband killed) was known as a man after God’s own heart and wrote many of the psalms. If God can forgive, and use them after what they did, then do not doubt that He can forgive and bless you!

Tamar was a woman in a bad situation. Her first husband dies, then her second husband dies. She is childless and sent back to her family in shame, even though none of it was her fault. God redeems her, and she too is one of the ancestors of Christ. The woman in Song of Songs is also a victim of circumstances. She believes herself to be ugly and her family does not take care of her. Still a king finds her, believes she is beautiful and thinks she is the most wonderful woman he has ever met. Life circumstances are not the end of the story. Life can change. Be ready to embrace the change and accept what God has for you. Too many stories end because the person believes the lie that they are not worthy and refuses to accept the blessings God tries to bestow.

Ruth is an outsider who is taking care of a widowed mother-in-law who has fallen on hard times. She lives in a cave for years after her husband dies, but her hard work and goodness is noticed and a godly rich man (who does not believe he deserves such a beautiful woman) falls in love with her and makes her his wife. She too becomes an ancestor of Christ. Persevere and your hard work and goodness will eventually pay off in ways you cannot imagine.

No story is ever so bad that it cannot be changed. Stay the course and be ready to accept the blessings God bestows. Too often we beat ourselves up and miss the blessings in our life because we think they are too good to be true, too good for someone like us. Stop thinking you do not deserve to be blessed. Step into the opportunities that present themselves as if you are truly forgiven and your past no longer matters- because it doesn’t.

Category:

Life