Christian living- dealing with one 'oops' at a time…

Teens- It Can Be Easier!

June 17, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

Let’s face it, being a teen today is tough, and most parents do not have the best of relationships with their children at this age, but I don’t think it has to be this way. I have raised seven children, three of whom are still teens living at home, and they are not difficult. Even my older children (the three that came to us as older children through adoption) improved their behavior as teenagers. Why do I think we were we different? Because we chose to be different. We didn’t mind being completely unique, and that helped us make decisions we otherwise might not have made. Here are some problems I see that contribute to the angst today’s teenagers face:

1. There is too much work (and most of it is not productive). The school system today assigns more homework than ever before, and sports teams meet five days a week for practice, plus games (which typically cause a student to frequently miss class). Combine this with church activities, chores and a growing body that needs rest and you can see why an average teen is a little testy. We avoided this by home schooling. One of our children grew in spurts. (He would come downstairs and all of a sudden nothing would fit right.) When he got tired, I let him rest, knowing he would be three inches taller when he finally woke up. Why? Because he had what I termed ‘puberty brain.’ He was so tired no decent amount of work was going to be done by him anyways, so why fight it? The other 360 days of the year he was a hard worker so I gave him the rest he needed. Not all of my children grew this way, but he did. There needs to be some flexibility in life for real needs and if there is a real problem with the amount of work, or other school expectations, there should be other parents who would also like to see a solution as well.

2. They have no real control over their lives, but are trying to become adults. Teen years are frustrating. A teenager is rightly trying to become an adult, but they have very little actual control over their lives and many of the rules they encounter seem arbitrary. To solve this, make rules that make sense, and advocate for your teen when they are subject to rules that are just plain nonsense. If possible look closely at the person in authority over your teen and how they handle their authority before choosing an activity for your teen. Two of my sons enjoyed the boy scouts, but we moved and the men over the new troop made up punishing rules that were ridiculous. The boys watched while the leaders broke the rules but they couldn’t. When my sons wanted to quit, I let them. This was not the type of leader I wanted my boys to be, so removing those men as role models in their lives was fine by me.

3. Because school and sports take up most of their time, they have very little time for real responsibilities. Real adult responsibilities, like helping to change the oil or make a dish to take to a sick friend, create a feeling of accomplishment. Most children do not have these opportunities, and adding too many responsibilities to their lives is almost cruel. Further, there are many, many opportunities for fun that are set up in such a way that a parent would be cruel to make their child miss out, but take up much of their time and money. (Do you remember when prom was only for seniors? Now many schools have one for multiple years, and many of the dances are just as fancy as any prom I attended!) Teens are therefore learning that it is their job to have fun, and mom and dad’s job to provide it. Anything that conflicts with this will cause tension in the house. So how do we solve it? By giving our teens the opportunity to perform adult tasks and help out when possible, and by teaching them the things they need to know for adult life, and by advocating for a sane amount of extra-curricular activities.

4. We focus too much on socialization. ‘Socialization’ has become a big deal in recent years, but it has become skewed to mean ‘socialization with one’s peers.’ While friends are important, many people will not see the friends they had in high school much in their adult life. Socialization with your family, who will be there later in life, is therefore also important, but it is something we often leave out. The Mormons actually have a great idea. They are advised to set aside one night a week, usually Mondays, for family time. There is no working late for dad, or any other activities. This night provides time for the family to re-connect and helps the children remember where their true priorities lay. Public school teens are very busy, but they still need to realize that their first priority is their family.

5. Teens have too many moms. The average teen typically has more than one person they call ‘mom.’ This can be a teacher, or a friend’s mom. This may seem affectionate, but it really is inappropriate. Some teens even have ‘mentors’ that are assigned through the school or other programs. This also messes with the family dynamic because in general these adults are not supporting the family unit. Instead there is a subtle hint that they know better than the child’s family. So, when a teen is caught between pleasing a ‘mentor’ or other friendly adult and their parents, who do you really believe is going to win? The person who loves on them all day with no judgment or accountability involved, or the person who takes away their phone and grounds them from the party they wished to attend? The Bible says that a person cannot serve two masters. This is true, and some of the relationships teens are building with other adults boarders on usurping the proper authority of mom and dad. Sure, a teen with negligent parents might benefit from this, but all other teens need to be encouraged to go to their parents for advice and help. The fallacy that teens can’t talk to their parents is just that, a fallacy. Most teens have awesome parents, they just don’t want to face up to what they have done. And they are not being helped to grow up by allowing them to avoid the consequences and letting them believe their parents are the problem.

6. Bait and switch. Many of the problems I see good teens having come from situations I would have a problem with as well. Here’s the deal. The teen is told that Christmas break is coming up and they will have two weeks off. They are then told that there is a list of assignments to be done over break. What?!?!? Break means break- no work. And if mom and dad planned a vacation, how are they going to manage all of this? Things like this are common in a teen’s life, and they are wrong. They are picked for to be drum majorette, then they find out someone changed their mind. They have a game Saturday, then at the last minute it is on a Friday and they must be there. Some teens lives are so arbitrary it is easy to see why they explode. So when Mom says, ‘But we have plans on Friday,’ the teen is stuck between a rock and a hard place- disappoint mom, or disappoint the coach. And the coach usually wins. Why? Because he has the psychological ‘You’re letting down the team,’ on his side, plus he can bench the child from an activity they love. (This happens with church activities as well, where the leader assumes the teens can drop everything at a moments notice, not realizing how it messes with a family who is actually trying to spend time with their child.)

7. We juvenilize everything. High schools now have days where you wear your pajamas to school, and youth groups focus more on eating gross foods and games then they do on growing up. This is not what the teen years are about. Sure it’s ok to have fun once in a while, but the fun occurs after the work is done, not instead of it. A teen who is truly intent on being an adult, ready to live on their own and consider marriage after high school should feel weird when asked to do pointless juvenile activities. Adult jobs that pay well do not have pajama days, for obvious reasons, and no one makes their accountant or physician eat gross food as a way to judge their competence.

8. They don’t know their parents. With school, sports and other activities the teen has had very little time to get to know their parents. The majority of their interactions occur when the teen has done something wrong. This is not the way to build trust and an easy relationship. A small child does not see their parent the same way an adult does. If you do not build a more mature relationship with your child now, where you both talk and listen to their ideas, it will be harder to do later, after they move out.

9. Parents do not make the rules clear. The teen does not automatically know everything you expect him to do. If you are not clear about it, they can become confused. ‘I didn’t know’ is a frequent excuse teens use, and while it is at times a ploy to avoid getting into trouble, sometimes it is the truth. Be clear with your expectations, especially if they are different from the norm. For example, my son once ‘courted’ a girl who was an oldest child who had parents who were extremely into ‘purity.’ This was fine with him, but he did not know the rules. It seemed to him, and to me, that the parents were making things up on the fly, after they were done, which meant he was frequently shamed for things he did not know to avoid. For example: My son gave her a fairly expensive necklace; he should have known it was too much. My son held her hand; he should have asked first. They offered to let him stay at their house when he visited; he should have known to refuse. Don’t be like this. Dating, driving and other things are going to be options for your teen to experience. Come up with a game plan that is clear and known by your children before these options present themselves.

10. The teens have no life plans. There is another fallacy going around that teens need to ‘find themselves’ before college. Well, while your teens are finding themselves, and often only finding themselves in trouble, other teens are preparing for a life that supports the family they hope to have. They will be the doctors, lawyers and business owners, and hopefully, when your teen is ready, they will offer him a job. Sound harsh? A teen with no goals does not see why he needs to do anything. A teen with goals stays out of trouble because he does not want to ruin his future. Let me give you an example: My oldest son came to my house at ten and a half, and he was a handful. He was also a cocaine, fetal-alcohol syndrome baby who scored low on IQ tests. He is now making six-figures. Why? Because he had a goal, and he worked hard to achieve it. At 17 1/2 he joined the Marines. After four years of service he worked private security, going to classes to acquire all of his clearances so he could carry a gun, and then took a job doing contract work in Kuwait. Is he perfect? No, but he is doing better than many of his peers. Why? Because sitting on my couch was never an option. And when he wanted to quit high school I told him we could help him get a loan on a septic truck so he would at least be making enough money to feed his future family. (Messy jobs no one wants tend to pay well.) He didn’t like the septic idea, which is why I chose it, so he pushed through. Buying into ideas that say your teen in incapable do your teen a disservice. I knew my son could complete high school, but I also knew it would be hard. I also knew he really wanted to be a Marine. We worked together and a boy with behavioral issues and a pretty low IQ passed the ASVAB and served tours successfully in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

I am sorry, but I am tired of hearing that it can’t be done. That teens are wired this way, and there will always be conflict, and that sitting on your couch finding themselves is the way to success. This is bull. My nephew just graduated from college and is looking forward to working on his masters. Most kids his age living near us are thinking about maybe working at Walmart, and they are ‘good’ kids. The difference? It’s not the brains as much as the expectations that they grew up with that set them apart. And those expectations will likely cause them to struggle financially for the rest of their lives. Further, the extra time in their parent’s house is not helping their relationship. Lack of responsibility is creating tension when mom and dad become tired of cleaning up an adult child’s messes, and watching him sleep in every day. So ask yourself: Is this really what you want for your child? And if you do not, what are you going to do to change it?

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Children

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A Physical Therapist on Nutrition

June 13, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

When I was in college I took every nutrition class they had, was a teaching assistant for Nutrition and Behavior and even cooked for two Nutrition PhDs making perfect ‘ten’ meals. After college my continuing education courses also included sports nutrition whenever one was available. Here’s what I learned:

1. An active lifestyle is the most important factor in maintaining good health.
This does not mean you have to run a marathon. Too much exercise, or too intense an exercise program wears down parts of the body and makes old age uncomfortable. And, the common saying, ‘No pain, no gain,’ is a misconception (unless you are a complete wimp with absolutely no tolerance for the minimal pain that comes with exertion…). So keep it safe, and fun, resting when you are injured, and try to choose an activity you can do throughout your lifetime.

2. A balanced diet is the best diet.
Most of the vitamins you need are water-soluble meaning you pee them out easily. This means you need to replenish them often. Further, when your cholesterol is high you are told to increase your intake of fish oils. Why? So your HDLs (good cholesterol) is in sync with your LDLs (bad cholesterol). Your omega threes (fish oils) also need to balance your omega sixes (corn oils). If your diet is high in omega six, like most people in America, you are at risk for increased swelling, and diseases associated with swelling such as arthritis. Diets consisting solely of one type of food, whether it is hot dogs or mushrooms, increase your likelihood of cancer. Also fad diets often have good short-term results, with bad long-term effects. So… a variety of foods at each meal is best.

3. Whole foods are better than processed foods.
This should not surprise anyone, so whenever you can eat food in its rawest form. (But wash it first. E-coli and hepatitis are not fun.) This means whole grain breads, pastas and rice and fresh fruits and vegetables. Sugar is also a refined food, so limit its consumption. Sugar, as it is sold in most supermarkets, is stripped of its nutrients and therefore contains ’empty’ (non-nutritious) calories. Typically one should eat with the goal of maximizing the amount of vitamins and nutrients per calorie if possible. This means high fructose corn syrup, refined sugar, and white flour are not your best options.

4. Many health foods are not health foods.
Check the label. Just because it looks like a granola bar does not mean that it is not full of sugar. The ingredients in a product are always listed from largest quantity to smallest on the label. Also remember that all food contains calories, so that nutritious smoothie you just consumed will help you put on weight just as easily as a cheeseburger. It just contains more vitamins and nutrients to keep you healthy.

5. Emotions matter.
If you are stressed, depressed or overly tired you are not as likely to move as much, and more likely to crave food. Take care of your emotional well-being and find ways to simplify your life in order to stay healthy. Having adopted three older children I understand that this is not always possible. Do your best, but know that sometimes sacrifices must be made for a greater good and that is okay. When life gets easier, ease yourself back into healthier living. After thirty trying to jump back into vigorous exercise typically results in needing a physical therapist. Trust me, slowly ramping up into a fun, safe exercise program is the best way to achieve long term results. (Though most physical therapists are fun people. Just make sure you have good insurance, we’re not cheap!)

By the way- this is a lecture I am giving to myself!

My favorite diet:
I believe a macro-biotic diet is best. This means no refined sugar or processed foods such as white flour, white rice or white pastas. Only whole grains, vegetables, fruits and low fat milk and meats (unless you are pregnant or still growing, or exercising like a Navy Seal then the fat is fine). Eating 5-8 small meals a day (every two-three hours) instead of three meals a day is also best, just make sure they are small. Regular exercise is also a must. If you are gaining weight, increase your exercise and decrease your food intake. If you feel sluggish increase your food intake and increase your sleep and exercise. Don’t use caffeine to stay alert, get more sleep.

Now the down-side of this diet is that it interferes with social eating. While restaurants are doing better at providing healthy choices, most friendly parties and church pot-lucks are not. Since hospitality is an important part of Christian living, keep any diet in its proper prospective unless it is necessitated by a health concern.

How to make recipes ‘healthier:’

1. Use whole-grain flours instead of white. There are a few varieties typically available in most areas. You can mix them up or alternate them as you like. You may also add wheat germ as part of the amount of flour called for. Cookies and cakes may be made this way. Check the Internet for some whole grain recipes as well. Others have perfected their recipes and were nice enough to share. You may also use whole grain pastas and hearty rices as well.

2. Substitute no-sugar applesauce for oil in muffins or any other recipe that might taste good with apples. You can also use baby food, such as pureed prunes or peaches for variety.

3. Add dried berries and/or nuts to salads and recipes that would taste good with them for increased variety.

4. Check out vegetarian options to lower calories and fat and increase food variety. Some of the fake meat products are quite tasty- just don’t tell your spouse it’s meat and think they’ll be fooled. Meat in small quantities is good, since it contains fat-soluble vitamins. The amount of meat most Americans consume trends towards breaking the ‘do not eat only one thing’ rule. There are also mayonnaise, salad dressing and ketchup substitutes that are pricier, but lower in sugars and fat.

5. Try adding fish to your diet. Crab salad (imitation crab is usually halibut), salmon patties and tilapia are quite good. Tuna can also be added to some casseroles or served on its own. Vary your fishes as well.

6. When making crumb toppings for cakes and pies use 100% fruit juice concentrate (usually apple- do not dilute, it is so sweet you should use less) instead of sugar and butter. You can also mix it into the pie filling with a little whole-wheat flour instead of sugar and cornstarch. Oats also make a nice addition to crumb toppings. My topping is usually a handful of flour, a handful of oats, cinnamon, a little nutmeg and just enough apple juice concentrate to make everything clump together. (As you can see, I am a very precise baker!)

7. Substitute cottage cheese for ricotta. Some ricotta may be needed for taste in some recipes, but half cottage cheese and half ricotta may be nice.

8. Use soymilk in recipes. This not only decreases the amount of fat, but increases your variety of foods.

9. Learn to use spices to flavor meals instead of high sugar glazes and/or ketchup. Spices also contain anti-oxidants (things that help trap bad stuff like free radicals and get them out of your body) that are good for you. Use spices liberally.

10. Avoid fried foods. There is only so much oil a person needs in a day, and most fried foods have soaked up more than we need. French fries are the worst since potatoes make excellent oil traps. They also taste really good so you are unlikely to eat just a few.

11. Add vegetables to everything. You can even puree, or finely chop them to sneak them into sloppy joes, meatloaf, hamburgers, soups, and casseroles.

12. Use cast iron pans to increase your iron intake. Low iron (anemia) is a common cause of fatigue. Adding spinach or other dark greens also helps. Adding chlorophyll to your water helps too, but get the mint flavored kind. Pure chlorophyll is not all that tasty.

13. Drink unsweetened teas or water. Raspberry tea is my favorite. Teas often have vitamins and tannins that are good for you without the calories. Find a brand you like. You can even put it over ice. I like peppermint tea this way.

14. Oats can be added to ground beef. It increases the amount of fiber in the food and decreases the amount of fat by decreasing the amount of meat needed. Just add the oats after the fat is drained. Oats are fine in meat while baking, like in a hamburger or meatloaf, but are not good browned with your meat. Add them after browning for sloppy joes etc. Oats also make hamburgers fall apart more easily, so unless you put foil down, or really want to frustrate someone, don’t use much for grilling.

15. Try salsas instead of dip and chutneys low in sugar instead of glazes. Opt for baked chips instead of fried and whole grain chips instead of potato and corn for variety.

16. Watch your corn consumption. Most Americans eat too much corn. We use corn oil for cooking, eat corn as a side dish, have corn chips as snacks and there is high fructose corn syrup in everything. Corn is not a bad thing, but overconsumption puts your omega sixes out of balance with your omega threes, so unless you are going to eat a whole lot of fish as well, try another vegetable every now and then.

17. Decrease the meat. Baked potatoes with toppings make a good meal. Portabella mushrooms are great and there are a lot of recipes for them. There are also pasta dishes and rice casseroles that are very tasty. (Just use whole grain pastas and avoid white rice.) I will fry mushrooms in a little BBQ sauce and make sandwiches with them like they are pulled pork. My kids loved them until they tasted real pulled pork…

18. Vary your meats. American diets are typically high in beef. Try other lower fat meats as well. Most of them come ground for recipes, and you can mix them together for different flavors and textures. Add spices if you find them bland.

19. Remember that cut up fruit, or chilled canned fruit in light or no sugar, or even olives can function as a side dish as well. The more sides you serve, the more variety you have and the less of any one thing you eat.

20. Frozen grapes, pomegranate seeds and other fruits make good summer snacks. Fruit in a cup with a little whipped cream makes a desert than is better than most cookies and cakes.

Since vegetables do not keep as long as one may like I have a few interesting ways to get rid of limp veggies and any leftovers. Remember, the healthier you have eaten during the week, the healthier these meals will be.

Garbage Loaf: (You can call it whatever you want. I have boys and tomboys, so garbage loaf works for us.) Take all the leftovers and vegetables you think would taste good with ground meat (which is almost everything). Crumble them up and mix them in with your meat. Add Italian spices, onions, garlic, ketchup and/or BBQ sauce, and any extra healthy chips that are in the bottom of the bags that are too small for anyone to want to dip, but too many to throw out. Add an egg; separate it and add only the white if you want to decrease the cholesterol. Spinach and other dark greens also hide well in this recipe. You can top it with leftover spaghetti sauce too, but you don’t need to. Bake at 350 until cooked through. It’s not the healthiest meal, but it’s better than most meat loafs. Add fruit, bread and salad sides to this meal for balance.

Leftover Soup: Again, take all the leftovers and limp veggies that would work well together in a soup. (Really this only typically excludes breads and cake. It can include your leftover garbage loaf.) Crumble them up. Add V8 juice and Italian spices and pepper to taste. Onions and garlic are also a good addition if you like the flavor. Again, you can hide dark greens well in this recipe. Simmer until everything is as soft as you would like things in soup to be.

Anything Casserole: Take everything you have leftover that will go well together and crumble it together. Add a whole grain pasta or rice. (You can hide dark greens like spinach in this too.) Add a cream of something soup (not low cal/fat but tasty). Add enough water for the pasta or rice to cook (slightly watery, not soupy). Take the ends of the whole grain bread no one will eat and turn them into breadcrumbs. Add Italian spices, then sprinkle them on top. Bake at 350 until rice or pasta is done. If you use leftover rice or pasta (already cooked) then just heat it through.

My son wrote home from the Marines stating that the thing he missed most while on tour was the ‘meals with no name,’ so while these recipes may seem a bit iffy, they do turn out quite good. The only problem is that when your child, or spouse asks if you can make that again, the answer is ‘Only if we have exactly the same meals we had this week again and don’t eat the same amounts…’ A few times the meal was so good we attempted to create a recipe based on the main ingredients present. It worked, and we have a few unique meals we now make.

Disclaimer: This is, of course, not meant to be official health advice. If you do have health issues please see a physician who may recommend a nutritionist to help with your specific problem.
Remember, this is my pep-talk to myself.

Advice to young moms: Don’t stop exercising! It is much harder to get back in shape than to stay in shape, so unless your family really needs you 24/7 (as mine did, and many people with children with disabilities etc do), find time to take care of yourself.

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Life

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O.K. Men- It’s Time To ‘Man Up!’

June 6, 2013

Image 12
I just read an article that has me fuming. Why? Because it is all too common. So common in fact that the writer of the article, a woman, did not see a problem with it. (And this was a secular, typically feminist, magazine!) Here’s the quote: “Given the surprise nature of the date, she didn’t know to arrange a babysitter and, besides, they had Mass and Mother’s Day brunch the next morning.”

What?!?!?! Did this guy not know he had children? Did he miss the fact they were too young to stay home alone? So he arranges a nice date in a fancy hotel and they have to leave without spending the night. Classy. But the article paints him as the king of romance. I think not!

Unfortunately this is not an isolated incident. Too often I hear young mothers complain that they can’t go out because their husband cannot handle the responsibility of taking care of their own children. Or there is just too much mess to clean up when she comes home. Or there is too much prep to do before she leaves because her husband does not cook, or microwave, or even know how to order a pizza. Men, this is ridiculous. If you want to bless your wife, or even keep her sane, she needs to be able to take some time to relax and recharge without feeling like she is being punished for it.

Here are some thoughts for when the wife is away:

Take the children somewhere, anywhere. This keeps the mess in the house to a minimum and makes you look like a hero. Some suggestions are movies, museums, duck ponds and anything that has the word ‘play land’ in it.

Plan to go out to eat. This too cuts down on the mess. If you must eat at home frozen pizza is easy and the instructions are right on the package- just don’t forget to set the timer. Some varieties even have a vegetable or two on them (which your children will probable pick off, but at least you tried).

Remember, you cannot take your eyes off of young children! They seem to have a type of radar that knows when the adult is not looking. This is when the messes are made, and the things that necessitate an ER visit are done. Realize that this will not be a night where you kick back and watch TV or play a video game. Children are hard work that is why your wife is not as spunky as she used to be. But… If you give her enough opportunities to rest and relax she will have some more of that pre-kid spark back!

Practice makes perfect. The more time you spend alone with your children, the better it will be. And the advantage to all of this is that your children will see you as a competent human being, and not the person who cannot even figure out how to boil water for the mac and cheese. Trust me, this helps with your relationship with them. Just remember, the worst thing you can do to your wife is to trash the house while she is gone. Make sure the children are mobilized to clean (which may mean down for a nap, or happy in a swing) at least an hour before she gets home. (Take into consideration the time- too long before she gets home and you’ll just have to re-do it.) If you do fail, apologize and help her when she gets home. Don’t act as if you are now off-duty and any mess that was made is now hers to deal with!

I hope this helps. Motherhood is a tough job. If your wife does not take some down time she will not be as good at it. Make sure it happens in a way she can actually appreciate. Thanks guys, I know you’ll do well. (Subtle positive reinforcement here- not my typical sarcastic style- so enjoy- I really, really wanted to call certain people schmucks, but refrained. See how good I’ve gotten!)

Now if you are already doing this- check with your wife and see if she thinks you are doing this. I once took a karate class with what I thought, from their reports, were some of the best dads around. Then I found out they were the same husbands the wives complained about during the kids’ class at night! The biggest complaint: The husband, trying to be a ‘good guy’ would attempt to tackle a large, usually unnecessary, job, like cleaning the laundry room while the wife was away. He would ignore everything else and the laundry room would be spotless. (Not that anyone checks out how clean someone’s laundry room is when they visit. At least not anyone sane.) The problem: While he was cleaning the laundry room, the kids were destroying the rest of the house, so the wife came home to a very clean laundry room, a husband who expected praise, and more housework than she could ever imagine! Are you seeing the problem?

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Marriage

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Why Are We Still Using the Arguments of Job’s Friends?

June 2, 2013

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Most people agree that the arguments Job’s friends use were flawed, yet we see many of these same points being made today. We should probably avoid this. Here is a list of the arguments these friends use:

Job 4 (Eliphaz) All suffering is the result of sin and no one is pure, therefore everyone deserves to suffer. (The modern corollary of this is: If you are not suffering, count your blessings, because we all deserve to be in hell. Anything less than this is a blessing. The problem, this line of thinking completely ignores God’s promises to protect and bless the righteous.)

Job 5 (Eliphaz) Suffering means God is disciplining you. If you repent everything will be well. (Do we not remember Joseph in prison even though he refused to sleep with Potipher’s wife? Paul being stoned for preaching the gospel, and seriously ill on his journey?)

Job 8 (Bildad) People get what they deserve. God does not allow the blameless to suffer.

Job 11 (Zophar) By saying you are righteous you mock God. You actually deserve more punishment than you are currently receiving.

Job 15 (Eliphaz) God’s comfort should be enough for you. No one is pure, and the wicked suffer so this is just. By saying you do not deserve this you sin and rebel against God.

Job 18 (Bildad) Do you think we are stupid? Punishment is for the wicked.

Job 22 (Eliphaz) Man is nothing. You are a sinner. Why? You want security for yourself while there are still hungry and poor in the world you have not fed.

Job 25 (Bildad) No one is righteous before God.

Job 32 (Elihu) Job is justifying himself by saying he does not deserve this.

Job 33 (Elihu) God is not unjust, so you must deserve this. God speaks, and you are obviously not listening. The purpose of suffering is to keep you from hell.

Job 34 (Elihu) By saying he has done nothing wrong, Job is saying that God is denying him justice. We get what we deserve. God sees everything, so repent.

Job 35 (Elihu) You are greedy for wanting to be blessed for doing what is right. The fact that God is not listening is proof that you need to repent.

Job 36 (Elihu) Only the godless refuse to repent.

So how does Job answer his friends?

1. He is honest about his condition and the fact that he would rather have never been born than to suffer like this. (Job 3) He also claims he will not lie (say he has sinned) and deny his integrity. (27:5)

2. He points out his friends’ motives:
-They are afraid, so they make up reasons to condemn Job so they can explain to themselves why it won’t happen to them. (6:21)
-Men with easy lives tend to have contempt for misfortune. (12:5)
-They use Job’s humiliation to exalt themselves above him (Feel that they are somehow better than him because this is not happening to them.). (19: 5)

3. He calls his friends’ arguments worthless and shows them the faults in their logic. (13:4)
-Bad things do happen to good people. (9:22)
-Pretending he is not suffering will not change the facts. (9:27)
-Some sinners do avoid the punishment they deserve on earth. (12:6)
-What would happen if God examined you? (13:9) (i.e. If Job deserves this, then look at your life and see how much more you deserve to be punished.)
-If this is judgment, then you should fear for yourselves. (19:28-29)
-The wicked do prosper at times. (21:7-15)
-All men die. (21:26)
-He asks his friends how are they helping. (26:2-4)
-He explains that wisdom cannot be bought; it is from God alone. (If God is not revealing why this is happening, how can you know?) (Job 28)

4. He assures his friends he is not trying to be mean to them when he refutes their words. (6: 30)

5. He points out that his friends are being mean to him. (6:14, 16:2, 19:2)

6. He acknowledges the facts.
-Life is hard. (7:1, 14:1)
-Life is short. (7:7)
-True righteousness is impossible. (9:1)
-No one can speak for God, and say why He does what He does. (13:7) (Though God may speak for Himself through the prophets and tell us why He is doing something.)
-God pays for our sins. (17:3)
-God does not keep track of our sins, but of our path. (14:16)
-God is his redeemer, and he will see God in a new body. (19: 25-26)
-This is unfair. This is a test and he is passing it. (23:6, 10-12)
-It is the end (eternal damnation) that is bad for the wicked. (24:18-24)

7. He cries out to God.
-He asks God to reveal his sin if he has done anything wrong. (7:20, 10:2, 13:23)
-He asks God to stop the terror. (13: 21)
-He asks God to speak to him. (13:22)

8. Job instructs his friends on how to be a good friend in this situation. (Obviously blaming the person’s suffering on them is NOT the way to handle these situations.)
-Encourage and comfort the person suffering. (16:5)
-Pray for them. (16:20)

Job also describes what life was like when God was watching over him. (Job 29)

1. He was in prime health.
2. His children were around him.
3. He had plenty of cream and olive oil (good food).
4. People respected and praised him because he helped the poor and was just, because he aided the handicapped, was father to the orphans, and made sure the wicked had no power.
5. Men sought to hear him speak.
6. He was a leader (by example), and one who comforted those who mourn.

Job also tells us what he did to be righteous. (Job 31)

1. He avoided lust and deceit.
2. He was a faithful husband.
3. He made sure justice was done.
4. He helped the widow and the poor.
5. He did not take advantage of his status.
6. He did not trust in gold and avoided idolatry.
7. He did not rejoice over his enemies’ misfortune.
8. He fed his servants and travelers well.
9. He did not hide his sins because he feared other’s opinions.
10. He owned up to what he had done.
11. He paid his laborers and did not overwork them.

God then tells everyone what He thinks about all of this.

1. First He rebukes them for speaking as if they know anything about what is going on. (Job 38: 2)
2. He is angry with Job’s friends for not speaking what is right. (42: 7)
3. He states that Job has spoken correctly. (42:7)
4. He has Job pray for his friends and restores his fortunes and more. (42: 10)

And on an interesting side note:
Job’s daughters, as well as his sons, inherit when he dies. (42: 14-15)

Now remember, this is a case when no one really knew why any of this was happening to Job. When there is blatant sin that must be dealt with as well. The point here is that, when bad things happen and you don’t know why, don’t go around saying the stupid things that Job’s friends did.

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Theology

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Worshipping As A Family

June 1, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

Today there is a big push for family devotions, and in a way, this is Biblical. Christian parents are to teach their children, but is sitting down as if they are in school the only way?

One family I know sings. They are gifted, and their house is filled with praise music. Most songs they know contain lines of scripture. I often think that maybe our family should have been encouraged to sing more. My husband has an excellent voice and so do a few of our kids. But then I remember that I can’t carry a tune to save my life, and some of my children are like me, so maybe this is not our best option.

Another family I know prays. Okay, so many families pray, but not like this one. Prayer before meals often becomes corporate prayer, with other people taking their turn as well, sometimes until the meal becomes cold. And they love it. At times I have wished that my family could pray like that, but we like our food hot, and many of our children are not too excited about public speaking.

We do traditional devotions. We are geeks. Conversations could last hours, and often do, though no one believes my children when they say so. But this is our way, and for the most part, we like it.

Other families do missions work. Their children have been feeding the homeless and talking to strangers for years. These children have never met a person they couldn’t speak with, and do not understand that some people think that Saturday mornings are for cartoons, and school breaks are for Disney Land. (And if they did go, Mickey Mouse would probably find out what it takes to be saved!) These families too make me wish we did more…

My point: Every family is different. (And here I have picked example of those who do one thing to an extreme. Most of us will find ourselves to be a mix of talents.) Wishing you were like another is futile. Yes, you need to share your beliefs with your children and train them well, but there are a variety of ways to do so. Figure out what works well for who God created your family to be and do it. And the best way to teach, the way we all teach, is by example and explanation. If you are not living well then all the hours of praise music, devotional time and prayer are just hypocrisy and are unlikely to have much affect on your children. So do the hard work of figuring out who you are (and it is hard work for this generation) and figure out a way to communicate God’s message in it. (And if one of the models I have shared speaks to you, go for it! There is great joy in following hard what God has placed on your heart.)

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Children

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Links

May 29, 2013

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Here are some links you may find helpful!

Bible Studies for Children:

Four Soils

Sticky Situations

The Picture Smart Bible

Bible Studies for the Whole Family:

Walk Thru The Bible

More Challenging Bible Studies for Teens and Adults:

Precepts Upon Precepts by Kay Arthur

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Home School

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When Did Bragging About Your Kid Become So Wrong?

May 21, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

When I was a child, long before every house had A/C, adults sat on their porches and visited with neighbors. If a neighborhood child did something good, everyone heard about it and congratulated them. I don’t remember ever feeling ‘less than’ because we lived across the street from the high school quarterback who actually had one date with Brook Shields. (In our small town USA these things were big deals.) Instead I remember feeling proud to be somehow associated with people who did such things.

Fast forward to the world of home schooling. When my children were young, home schooling was still somewhat new. Every home school accomplishment was one more victory for our team. Life wasn’t a competition, but a group effort to ensure every child was supported and educated. In our case this occurred by supporting the parents, sharing ideas, new curriculum finds and field trip opportunities.

Today, while my younger children are finishing school life seems different. My announcements that my child received a scholarship are met with looks that say, ‘Well aren’t you so great,’ rather than ‘How’d you do that?’ And these looks are from the younger generation, who do not yet have a child to compete with mine- and who knows what theirs will do? (Though, from the responses I get, Mom is not too confident…) And maybe that’s the problem, our young moms are not so confident. Somehow we seem to have created a culture where everyone sucks is the motto, and striving to be exceptional, or even the best you can be, is discouraged. How did this happen? I don’t know, but we better work to get over it. Shared failure does not seem to be such a fun place to be. Let’s take back our ability to be happy for those who achieve. Let’s look to those who have done well before us, not as people who have attained the unattainable, but as those who can tell us how. Let’s rejoice in our uniqueness and add to the talent pool where we may, not caring what others will think when we do things just a little different than they did, because that is how you add value. Let’s not cringe when we do well, hoping no one will notice, but glory in the fact that we can make a difference, and we can be someone special to somebody.

My father talks of the high school janitors he used to have. Even when I was young, they were respected. The children loved them, and they looked out for us. When my father brought lobster home from a trip, one had to go to the man in the overalls, because for some reason, he was the one we most wanted to bless. Why was he ‘someone.’ Someone so important we’d put lobster on ice and save it for him? Because he cared. Because he was someone who came to work happy to be there, doing the extras to make our school special. Because we knew he loved us. How did we know he loved us? From his interest in our lives, his pleasure in our accomplishments and his disappointment when we did not behave. (Who do you think was in the hallway when you were sent out of class?) And we came home and bragged about him. I do not remember what we said, but it was enough that my parents would sacrifice part of our precious feast to give him something he had told one of their children he had never had before.

So instead of cowards, irritated that someone is doing something we are not, let us be the type of people whom others can brag on. The person who is so kind that everyone knows who they are and loves them. The one who, when others achieve, is in their corner cheering them on. This is the attitude that encourages greatness, and produces people of ability. This is the attitude that makes a community. This is the attitude that makes a janitor the greatest person in the building. And it produces a generation that learns.

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Children, Life

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How To Make Parenting Easy

May 13, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

1. Take care of problems early.
Do not just “hope” things go away. And, sitting around complaining never solved anything. When you see a problem, work to fix it. And keep working. Inconsistent parenting is just as bad as negligent parenting. This does not mean the solution is always punishment and more punishment. Get to the root of the problem. Poor grades may require tutoring, or finding a way to engage the child so they learn. Sudden disrespect can mean, ‘I’m growing and need so much more sleep I cannot currently function.’ Pay attention and help your child appropriately and early.

2. Don’t make stupid rules.
Children become frustrated and rebel when life seems unfair. One of the things I have never understood is limits on TV and video games. Why? Because free time is free time. It is time to do what you want. Arbitrary limits on things they enjoy just confuse them. (They should confuse you too. Do you place the same limits on yourself?) If the chores are done well, their homework is complete and they have nothing else to do why are you micromanaging them? If you want them to go play outside, say, “Go play outside.” If you want them to exercise more, set aside a time for it, or enroll them in a sport. If you want them to read, reward it. But to subtly tell them they can do whatever they want, and then limit what they can want seems foolish. It also teaches them to place arbitrary limits on their own lives, which is a hindrance to success. (Go through your own inner monologue and see how many ‘rules’ you have for yourself that make no sense. Get rid of them and see if your life improves!)

3. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Keep life in perspective. If your child is getting straight A’s, is kind to others, and generally does what is expected of them, then an unmade bed is not the end of the world. (Unless he is planning on enlisting in the military.) Do not continually harp on some little aspect and let that be all he hears when overall he is a good kid. This is not to say that you never address it, it is just not the most important thing in life. Talk to him about it and try a new approach. When I talk to my boys about their messes, now that they are older, I typically focus on how their future wife will view things. It works for them. Find what works for you. (Hint: Nagging, repeating the same thing over, and over and over, never works.)

4. Make time to talk.
You cannot build a relationship with your children without mutual respect. True they may obey out of fear of punishment, but fear only lasts so long. Children who respect their parents behave better than those who don’t, and the key to earning respect is time. (It is also by behaving yourself, but I am assuming that, if you are reading an article on how to be a better parent, you already understand that.) You need to spend time with your child, and watching him play sports is not it. This is time where you can talk. You talk about what’s important to you, and he talks about what is going on in his life. Don’t think you know it all. Chances are the things your children are focused on and worried about will surprise you. Prioritize. Missing one season of sports, or other activity will not affect their lives and relationships as much as never getting to know their parents. And make it fun. Sitting down with them in such a way that they feel like they’re being grilled will not garner the same results.

5. Take your kids places.
Too many parents leave the children home when they go grocery shopping, or out for coffee. Why? Because their children do not behave. Do you realize that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you do not take the children, and teach them to behave, they will never learn to behave, so you will never be able to take them. Instead teach them young, if possible. (I adopted a few of mine older, so we went on ‘practice’ shopping trips to catch up.) By the time they were older I could take seven kids anywhere. To the opera, museums, grocery stores- you name it- without trouble. It was hard work in the beginning, but it paid off in the end. So, when I needed a cup of coffee, and felt like sitting for a few minutes, that’s what we did. In the beginning, when my adopted children still did not know how to behave at this level, we took breaks and had a date-night, because it was needed. But the date-night did not make up for the tension in the house. We worked on the things that caused tension, and the date-night became something we do for fun, rather than a needed time to get away. You can see how life would be more enjoyable this way…

6. Do things that make sense.
Do not have rules, or ways of doing things that are based solely on what others do. Do things in a way that makes sense for your family. Let me give you an example. My daughter is home schooled, and has a youth group full of good kids that she loves attending. I do not work outside the home and my other children are old enough to stay home alone. When I show up in the parking lot I wait in the car, usually with a book, until she is done. Her friends have pointed out that it is rude of her to leave her mother waiting like that. (I told you they were good kids.) She talked to me about it (notice that we have established a pattern where she communicates, and does not just do what seems right). What I told her is that her friends would be rude if they left their mothers waiting. Some have small children who get cranky in the car, while others have to go to work in the morning. Our family is different, and my priority right now is to give her as much time as she would like with her friends, while not leaving her as the last one to be picked up, wondering when mom is going to get there. So I sit and read, and it is okay. If I go grocery shopping and there is ice cream in the car, I go in and tell her we have to go, and she goes. The situation changed, and she respects that. Rules should not be black and white. They should make sense. She also does not become upset because I decided to do something productive that would limit her enjoyment. Why? Because she knows I balance my priorities (because we talk, and I often explain why I do what I do), and she knows that most of the time this results in better things for her.

7. Teach purposefully.
The ancient rabbis had their students follow them around as they went about their daily lives. The rabbis would then explain why they did things the way they did. This is important. Your children should know why you make the choices you make, or they may misunderstand your motives. When your children begin to understand that you actually think about them when making decisions, they learn to accept that sometimes they cannot have what they want, but it is not because you did not think about their wishes as well. They also learn how to make proper decisions, using the values and principles you find important.

8. Grow up.
The saddest thing I see is when a child is more mature than their parents. Many times it is because the child has had to assume adult responsibilities, or has had to become an emotional support system for the parent because the parent does not behave. This should never happen, and, even though it seems like the child is doing well, the emotional baggage they carry into adulthood is just not worth it. Get your own life under control before trying to ‘fix’ your kids. (Some of their problems could be because they are copying, or reacting to, you!) Think about why you do what you do, get your emotions in check, start to avoid people who are not good to you and actually obey all of those rules you teach your kids. Immature parents cannot raise well-adjusted children. And they make it difficult for the child to have a relationship with them later in life.

Now these tips will make parenting easier in the long run, but if you have issues you need to address the hard work starts now. You must put in the time to reap the rewards. The irony is that if you avoid putting in the time, you will have less time since you will have more messes to clean up, and the stress and anxiety are just not worth it. Will your family be perfect? No, but children can be manageable and enjoyable most of the time. Think of it this way: There is a Chinese restaurant that called us ‘The Happy Family.’ Why? Because I did not have to yell at my children to sit down, stopping touching your brother, eat your food etc every five minutes. Wouldn’t you like this to be you?

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Children

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Benghazi- Using Everything to Teach Your Children

May 11, 2013
Photo by Matija Barrett

Photo by Matija Barrett

We home school, so when the news on Benghazi broke it became part of our lesson plan. In our home, everything is an object lesson. It is not just about the facts, but what we can learn from them. Here’s how it played out in our home…

1. You never, ever tell a lie especially when you know it will have a negative effect on someone else’s life.
People seem to forget the lie about the video landed a man in jail, with his reputation besmirched, as he became the person who caused the death of four men through his negligence. It doesn’t matter what his reputation was beforehand. He did not deserve this. Words have consequences, and for this man, a You Tube video that garnered little attention and likely would not have amounted to much now put him into the public spotlight and a jail cell. Why? Because someone lied.

2. When you realize you are wrong, you correct yourself and apologize.
Even if someone thought this really was about the video, when it became clear it was not about the video you come forward and fix your mistake. It is obvious now that it was never about the video, and, as far as I know, no one has done anything to rectify this lie. Instead, the game plan seems to be to pretend this never happened. Pretending a mistake did not happen is not how an upright person goes through life.

3. You do not leave people under your authority in harm’s way.
If Chris Stevens was a child, this would be abuse. He was placed in a dangerous situation, with inadequate protection, and his reasonable requests to the people in charge were denied. If this had been a business, it would be shut down. My daughter hit the nail on the head when she likened the situation to David sending Uriah to the wall then pulling back his reinforcements.

4. If you cannot provide what a person under your authority needs, you do not put them into the situation.
Chris Stevens was an American, and a homosexual. He was sent to an area where there are people who wish to kill both. Calling the residence something other than an embassy because it is not up to regulations is not going to protect this man. CYA is not ‘right,’ and in this case it got people killed. An upright person, one who is worthy of being in charge, worries more about their people than about getting ahead. It should never be about whether or not you can technically get away with it, it is about whether or not it is right to do.

5. When there is a problem, you send help, all the help you can.
No one knows when a situation will end, or what will turn then tide. Everything available should have been co-coordinated and sent. Two ex-Navy seals did a miraculous job holding people off, until they were overcome. What could a few more do? We will never know.

6. You plan for the future- all possible futures.
While there are situations that one cannot foresee, an attack on an embassy in a Muslim country on 9/11 was entirely foreseeable. (O.K. Technically it was not an embassy, just a house with an American in it who officially represented the U.S. -C.Y.A. always looks stupid in hindsight, remember that.) By saying the closest help was 20-24 hours away what you are saying is that you had no viable plan for saving these people who you knew were in harm’s way. This is disgraceful and unacceptable. What was so important in Benghazi that it was worth the lives of four Americans?

7. “What does it matter?”
When people are dead it always matters. It matters to loved ones, and to the people who are under you who want to be assured, as they continue their employment, that they do not become one of the dead. When dealing with death it always matters. This is why we do autopsies. This is why we have hospital ethics committees. This is why we investigate when a body is found. We want to make sure that whatever happened will never happen to another person again. And if your job is to protect these people, and the system you set up failed, you need to know why, and you need to fix it. It should be your top priority, so it never, ever happens again.

8. A leader needs to communicate.
Even if you believe everything that can be done has been done, you need to communicate that to the people you are accountable to. They need to know the situation has been resolved, and that someone cares. Caring may seem like a little thing, but it shows the people who place their lives, and their loved ones’ lives, in your care that they can trust you. People who care understand a families’ need for closure, and to know that their loved one did not die in vain. The people who continue under you need to know that everything will be done so that this never happens again.

So how can we apply this to our own lives?

1. We watch our words. While we try to avoid all lies, we realize that lies that shift the blame to others are especially heinous.

2. We take responsibility for our actions. When we realize a mistake has been made, we fix it. This is especially important in jobs where people’s lives depend on you. In healthcare, if a mistake is left uncorrected a person may die. As an electrician, a house may catch fire etc, etc. You never, ever ignore problems like this and hope no one notices.

3. You do everything you can to ensure the safety of those who depend on you. If your child claims they are being mistreated, you investigate. You do not leave them at the mercy of a bully, or a pedophile etc because it is an inconvenience. And you trust the child to know when he does not feel safe.

4. If you know the situation is not safe, you do not leave someone there. You do not leave a child in a daycare you do not trust. You do not leave your dog outside without water in 100 degree weather. You do not leave a baby unattended by the stairs and hope nothing will happen. You do everything in your power to ensure the safety of those who rely on you.

5. When there is a problem, you get help. You do not refrain from calling 9-1-1 because you might be embarrassed. You do not refrain from seeking medical help because you are afraid of the outcome, or that the doctor might think you are a bad parent. You get help because help is needed and you care more about the lives of the people who rely on you than you do about your feelings and reputation.

6. You plan for the future, even the ones you do not want to face. You buy smoke detectors and practice safety drills. You have flashlights, batteries and back-up power for when the electricity goes out. You purchase jumper cables and have insurance. Why? Because even though all of these things are a waste of money if nothing ever happens, they will be invaluable if something does, and as responsible people, we plan for these events.

7. You examine the things that go wrong in life, and try to keep them from happening again. If you lose a job, you try to ensure your next job will be more secure, either with a better company, or by obtaining more skills (or by not doing the foolish thing that caused you to be fired…). If someone gets hurt, you fix the step, melt the ice, etc. You do not allow others to suffer the same injury if possible.

8. You let people know you care. You show them the fix, comfort them during their time of loss or convalescence etc. Doctors are told that most lawsuits do not begin when a person is hurt, but when a hurt person perceives that no one cares. This applies to teachers, mechanics, waiters etc. Mistakes will be made, but if the person knows you care they can trust that you will do your best to make things right and that is all most people are asking for.

These are just rules of basic living. I think that’s why this scandal, more than any of the others I have lived through, bothers me so much. The other scandals were mainly stupid and involved being incredibly short-sighted (too short-sighted to be in the positions they were in), but this one, this one violates so many principles a decent person should have internalized by just being alive, by just being a parent, by just living in this world, that it causes me to question deeply just how morally bereft our society is, especially when many people have a hard time seeing why this was so wrong…

Let me summarize, in case you missed it:
Our government put our representatives into a situation where we knew there would be people who would want to kill them. They did not provide them with even the minimal security an embassy should have, but instead called it by a different name so they would be exempt from the need to protect them. They then had no plan to help should trouble come. (Or, would not allow that plan to be implemented.) They then stopped the people who were willing to go to help from doing so. Then they lied and told us about a ‘spontaneous protest’ and a video. If we find out this was all to ensure someone got re-elected, it just gets so much worse… How do you not see something wrong?

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Life

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Disturbing Trends in Home Schooling

April 30, 2013

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I am old. I have seen home schooling evolve. When I was young there were very few options. And even the options that were available have changed. Home schooling was a challenge. It was not socially acceptable, but the children that came out of those few home schools did exceptionally well, so many followed.

Churches began advocating for home schooling. It became the ‘good Christian’ thing to do, and some girls grew up aspiring to become home school moms. (I’m glad we made it look so appealing.)

But home schooling is hard work, and somehow we failed to get this across. Maybe because we were having so much fun doing it, and didn’t mind the work. Maybe because we saw it as so important, and didn’t think to complain. Maybe because we enjoyed the time and company of our children. Maybe because we were too afraid to fail. Maybe because we were already those odd home schoolers we stopped judging each other, and relaxed in each other’s homes so we actually formed close friendships and allowed each other to be unique. (And I loved my friends who lived on farms during this time. After my children saw what farm chores looked like, what I asked them to do looked easy!)

Today when I talk to a new home schooling mom the first few questions seem to be, “How can I home school without doing much work?” and “How can I home school and still have the perfect house, body, and lots of free-time etc?” The truth is, to do it well, you can’t. The key to home schooling success is for the children to realize that mom (and dad) takes this serious, and considers their education important. (This is also the key to school success, by the way.) Sure, you can put your child in front of a computer, or send him to classes for home schoolers, but it is not the same. Parental investment is what made home schooling work.

“But I don’t know how to teach Algebra?” So, neither did many of the moms who home schooled years before, so they learned. Some learned along with the child, some studied on their own, and some took classes. Why? Because teaching their children was important. And the truth is, a home school mother needs to know a lot of stuff. If you are young and your goal is to be a home schooling parent, then you should be paying more attention in high school, not less, and plan on going to college, and studying, rather than trying to land a husband. (The husband will come in its own time, and being a hard-worker who is serious about raising good kids usually lands you a better one!) The better educated the parent who will be in charge of the home school; the better educated the children. But that does not mean you have to have a college degree. Many awesome moms did not. BUT, they were willing to work. They learned so their children would learn. They may not have done it when they were younger, which would have made it easier on them, but they did do it. And they are now grammar nazis with red pens, math mavens who can do times tables in their sleep etc. (They also know how to turn learning into fun, don’t get the wrong impression here.)

Home schooling is a wonderful thing. The children who have been home schooled are typically kind, unique individuals who are generally happy in life. This will not continue to be so if home school becomes a ‘chore’ for mom, something she obviously does not want to do because it interferes with other things. It will also not be done well if mom keeps saying she ‘can’t’ teach, because what will be taught is that it is okay to give up and not do the hard stuff. I hate writing this, because I love home school and home schooling families. Everyone is unique, and generally wonderful, but I fear for the future as more and more young Christian girls demonstrate that they did not pay attention in high school and are not going to college because they are going to be home school moms. And then, when their children arrive, they look for ways to get out of teaching them because they need to keep the house clean and do not feel competent to teach. Let me put it this way- if you are going to home school, you are going to sacrifice. There is only so much time in the day. When the children are little there will be clutter, as they get older they will learn to help and it will get better, IF you invest the time in teaching them to do so. (I have actually met home schoolers who do not know how to cook and do laundry. Since they stay at home with mom, how did they miss this? They should be at your knee helping, as they are able, with everything you do.) There will be less time for mom to go to the gym by herself, but more time for mom to join in on whatever game is going on in the backyard, which is not as calorie burning since you must not run over the little ones. BUT, your example, of hard work, of turning work into fun, and just plain enjoying the investment you are making in the lives of your children is what results in adult children who enjoy what they are called to do and know how to cherish people, even when it is not convenient.

I recently read a Ron Paul article on his new curriculum. (I wish I could find the exact one for you.) In it he says, in typical Ron Paul style, that if you do not like how he is doing this, teach your children yourself, as many other home school families have in the past. It seems that even Ron Paul acknowledges that his curriculum is second best to the parent actually teaching the child themselves. I am not saying that you can never use outside resources. What I am saying is that you must be involved. Listen to what is being taught, and comment on everything, good and bad. This is how you pass down your values and how your children get to know you. If you want to educate your children in the way they should go, then they need to know what that way is. (And you need to model it.) If you are not teaching them, then who is? And do you fully agree with them? And if you do, are you teaching them to listen and repeat what someone on a video says, or are you discussing it so they learn to think critically and understand why you, and the person on the video, came to these conclusions. This is your job. Teach your children well, and you will be proud to call them yours when they are adults.

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Home School

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