Christian living- dealing with one 'oops' at a time…

Are TV & Video Games Bad?

June 14, 2012

Is TV bad? It depends. If your child is watching it 24/7 to the point where they are not getting any exercise at all, then of course this is wrong. But, if your child is just sitting in front of it as a means to relax then- it depends.
It depends on the child. I have 7 children, 3 adopted, all different. For the most part, in regards to TV and video games, it boils down to two distinct personality types: The ‘followers’ and the ‘problem-solvers.’ How do you know which you are blessed with? Plop them down in front of a popular action-packed TV show. (When my children were little it was The Power Rangers.) After the show the ‘followers’ are re-enacting what they saw. The problem-solvers are at your side explaining to you what was wrong with the show and how the character could have done something better.

Some children are ‘followers.’ When they watch TV they tend to pick up the mannerisms of their favorite characters, copy their behaviors and internalize their values. These are the children who, after watching Power Rangers, need to immediately kick and punch their brother, parent or any other person in the vicinity no matter how many times you tell them not to. Since TV strongly affects how they live their lives, their TV consumption must be monitored and limited. But, since this is an issue that extends into ‘real life’ where they will also copy their friends and teachers without analyzing why, TV can be used to teach them to judge their actions and not follow so blindly. With these children parents can use TV as an opportunity to sit down and talk about the behavior of the characters to help them learn how to analyze and think before they follow another’s example (and without the child going back and telling their teacher that you said what she was doing is wrong).

Other children are more analytical. They problem-solve and need to think about everything. These are the children that, after the hundredth ‘Why?’ you really want them to shut up and go play somewhere else. These children, if taught a good set of morals, will get much out of TV. TV will help them to understand that there are evil people in the world, so they will not be naïve, and explain to them why people do the things they do so they will be more understanding with others. (These children have a tendency to be ‘legalistic’ and unbending.) Their problems in life tend to be because they believe everyone will think before they act and that no one would ever purposefully hurt them. (Can we say ‘naïve?’) TV helps them to process and learn so they are not surprised that not everyone behaves. It can be used as a tool to keep them from having to be hurt because of their naivety. Again, parents who are willing to talk with them about the shows they watch are key, even if it means answering a long list of ‘why’ questions. TV watching for these children is not as much of an issue since they are unlikely to blindly do what they see on TV.

The same goes for video games. Some children play them blindly. They need the high score and become frustrated when they lose or are told to turn them off. They are not problem-solving when they play, but just trying to ‘find’ what works. They also do not mind using ‘cheats,’ since it is not about how they got the high score, but just that they did. (Can you see some issues with this line of thinking?) Giving these children time limits helps them to learn to control their frustrations. Parents who sit beside them while they play and talk to them after their character ‘dies’ about what they could have done better can use the game to help them develop problem solving skills. But since these skills do not come naturally, the child will not enjoy this and will just want to get back to his game now. This is not to say that you should not hold the conversation anyways, but that you should keep it short and expect some push back.

Other children analyze the games. They are not just playing the game, but thinking about how they would create their own. Even the death of the character leads them to a new insight on how they should play differently, or how their game (the game they would invent) would be structured. For these children video games provide a lot of mental stimulation that does benefit them in the long run. Parents should always talk to their children about whatever they are currently interested in, but in this case, the parent should expect to sit down and listen to a very long explanation about everything (and I mean everything) to do with the game. The biggest thing a parent can do wrong in this situation is to act bored, or leave, so enter with a cup of coffee and be prepared to learn more than you ever wanted to know about some make-believe place.

My opinion: TV and video games have their place, but it is not mindless babysitting. For the follower, they can be used to teach self-control and how to think before you act. For the problem-solver it provides new things to think about, and opportunities to analyze and learn from other’s mistakes without having to experience them themselves. The ‘follower’ has more to lose from watching inappropriate material, while there is some benefit to showing the problem-solver (who tends to be naïve) things they may want to avoid. The best advice: Know your children, listen to them and talk to them frequently about what is important in their lives, in this case, the pretend worlds that TV and video games have to offer. And remember, pretend people have problems that can be discussed without your child going back to the person and telling them what you said about their situation- This is a huge bonus!

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Children

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Thoughts On Deborah And Barak

June 12, 2012

Oh Barak… When I first met you I thought, ‘What a wimp!’ But then I grew older, and saw something else. I saw a man who was not all that unlike the people I know, and the person I have become.

Barak is a warrior, the commander of the army, yet he will not go into battle unless the woman, Deborah, goes with him. The question is, ‘Why?’ Why won’t he just go?

God tells him that, since he insists on having Deborah with him, the credit for the victory will be given to a woman, and not to him. I am sure he is thinking Deborah will get the glory, and he is fine with that, after all, she is the leader of Israel, just please God let her go with him! What he does not know is that God, in a typical God-like fashion, does not like to do what people expect. God gives the victory over Sisera to Jael instead. But who cares? Well, any man at this time does! A woman being given credit for a military victory is unheard of and this woman has no status. At least if it was Deborah, people knew who she was, and that she was someone with power and authority! This will hurt Barak’s masculinity. Still, Barak does not care. Why?

Here’s my take on the situation: Barak has faith that God can deliver His people. He knows that God gives victory to the weak who are righteous. He believes that Deborah is righteous. What he does not have faith in is his relationship with God. He knows himself. He knows he is not perfect. Likely he does not feel that he prays as much as he should, nor does he read his Bible as he ought (and it is much shorter at this time in history!). But, he believes that Deborah does, and even though it will cost him in pride and kudos, he knows that Deborah is a person who God blesses and does not want the failings he perceives in his relationship with God to be the downfall of Israel. So give the credit to the girl, in his eyes, she is better than him. And to his credit he gladly shares the credit with her and Jael after the battle is won, singing a duet with Deborah when it is over. (Many men would have been walking around trying to explain that they did all the work, and the Deborah did nothing, and Jael did almost nothing since Sisera pretty much fell into her lap.)

The only thing Barak does not have faith in is his relationship with God. He does not feel ‘good enough’ to be used by God. But how many of us feel this way today?

What I realized is that the list of the faithful in Hebrews is not a list of people with perfect faith, but a list of people who were just like us, insecure and still making mistakes. The point is that God is not looking for perfection, and that we can be sure of our relationship with Him, even when we doubt. Remember: Abraham did not trust God to protect him and allowed people to believe that Sarah was ‘available’ to save his life –twice! Isaac did the same. Gideon too did not believe that God could use someone like him. Yet they are all listed as people of faith. The faithful have doubts. Barak had doubts. The beauty of Barak is that he saw a woman as a faithful person whom God could bless and use, a person whom he perceived as more godly than himself, and was not afraid to let her have the credit for what he, as commander of the army, should have longed to have credit for.

In Proverbs 31 the husband is told to give his wife the praise that is due her. This is exactly what Barak does. He allows women (Jael and Deborah) to receive the praise. This is tough for a man at this time, where prideful talk, patriarchy and war were a manly way of life. Yet Barak humbles himself, due to his own insecurities. But Barak deserves double kudos for this, because typically it is the more insecure who cannot in the end stand to share the spotlight and feel the need to hog the praise…

Many teach that Deborah was judge because there were no godly men at the time. I disagree. Only truly godly men could follow God even when He was using a woman, someone they thought of as lowly and weak, to do His will. This takes trust and recognition of what ‘godly’ is. It is easy to follow someone the world tells you is worthy of respect: the big, strong and powerful. It takes much more faith to follow, when you know you should, someone others would look down on you for listening to at all.

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Theology, Women

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‘Rules For Dating My Daughter’ Are Counter-Productive

A few months ago one of those ‘You are not going to date my daughter’ lists circulated. I showed the list to my 17-year-old son and asked what he thought. His response was interesting, and I was proud of the amount of maturity it showed. Mother-pride aside, here was his assessment- He said that he would have no problem obeying any of the rules, or even doing a Bible study with the father, and that, while he believed that the authority to monitor his computer/ phone etc belonged to his parents and not his date’s father, he had no problem showing his date’s father his electronics. But, he still would not date this man’s daughter.

Why? Because this list showed that the father was overly controlling. My son wants to eventually be a ‘man’ in his own home. He does not want to deal with an overly controlling father-in-law for the rest of his life. This list is an indication that ‘dad’ will not remain neutral when he feels that his son-in-law is doing it all wrong. For this reason, my son would decline to date this girl rather than risk a future where his father-in-law feels he is still the ‘man’ in his daughter’s home.

We have seen problems like this. These fathers do not mean to interfere, but they see the world as black and white. There is only one way to run a Christian marriage- their way. So when their daughter and her husband choose a different way, they need to ‘intervene’ and ‘disciple’ him. They don’t mean to be ‘controlling,’ but they do mean to make sure everything is done ‘Biblically,’ and ‘right.’ Good, strong men are going to see this coming, and run. In reality, the father’s interference is not driving away the ‘bad’ boys (They will lie to your face and pretend with ease.) but the ‘best’ boys, who actually want to stand up, and be a strong, godly man that your daughter would be proud to have in her life.

The solution: Train your daughter right so that she would never think to drag home someone who would do her wrong. Then, actually get to know the boys in your area, so that when she brings one home and wants to go somewhere with him, you will already know whether, or not you can trust him. Being involved in your daughter’s life will do more to protect her than any list of ‘rules’ ever will.

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Children

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How to Keep Focus While Raising Children

June 10, 2012

Raising kids is tough. Add to that the extra responsibility of home schooling and the feelings of insecurity and self-doubt can be overwhelming. Here is some excellent advice from one of my friends.

Sit down as husband and wife and decide what goal is most important. If there is more than one goal, then prioritize, and decide which one is the most important, and then rank the rest accordingly. Hang the list on the fridge, or the bathroom mirror if necessary, then, every time you make a decision, remember what your goal is.

For most Christian households, the goal is to raise godly kids. Sometimes life gets busy. We realize that things are chaotic and everyone is stressed, but we have trouble deciding what to do about it. Remembering what our ‘goal’ is helps bring clarity to the situation. It also helps us feel less guilty, or adjust our priorities when we do not accomplish everything we wanted to that day.

For example: Let’s say that today we ended up getting home late and eating cereal for dinner. Why? Because our neighbor’s dog got loose, so we ‘wasted’ much of the afternoon chasing it down. But is this a problem? One of our goals is to cook healthy meals for our family, but the main goal is to raise godly children. Helping a neighbor is godly, and one night of cereal instead of a home cooked meal will not greatly affect the children’s health. Plus we have just taught our children to be flexible, and put someone else’s needs before our own wants. I’d say this is a ‘win.’

Some days we do not do so well. The children are fighting, very little schoolwork gets done and the house is a wreck. Everyone lost patience, and behaved badly, including mom and dad. This is a ‘loss’ day. What we need to figure out from these days is not how not to have them, with children these days are inevitable, but how not to lose our cool and become someone who sets a very bad example when things get tough. Remembering that your first priority is to teach your children to be godly means that your focus is on the children treating each other with respect. The schoolwork is probably second in importance, so any punishment given cannot make schoolwork impossible. Your job: Talk with your spouse and figure out punishments that work, so that tomorrow will be different.

The best punishments involve ‘natural consequences.’ These are consequences that are the natural result of what was done. For example: The children waste their time bickering all day and don’t get their schoolwork done, then there are no ‘fun’ activities later because the schoolwork is more important and needs to be done first. Knowing what is important allows you to focus only on what needs to be done, and ignore the less important things during a tough time. This keeps you from being overwhelmed and helps you to make better decisions that actually fix the problem. Later, when the important things are dealt with, you can work on the things that are less important.

These rules can also be applied when deciding which activities your children will, or will not participate in. Sometimes the activities are fine, but they take up so much time that there is no time left to be a ‘family.’ It is okay to miss a season of soccer. It is not okay for your child to grow up not knowing who their mom and dad were and what was important to them. If you do make them sit out for a season, you cannot forget why and get busy yourself. Make sure you are replacing whatever you took away with quality, fun family time or you will just look like a selfish hypocrite whose only real reason for not letting them play was so you would not have to be bothered driving them around…

So, when your spouse comes home and stupidly asks, ‘What were you doing all day, the house is a mess?!’ You can answer, ‘Making your children more godly.’ Implying that they were anything but godly today! (By the way husbands, never, ever say this! No jury of her actual peers would convict her for anything she does to you if you do…)

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Children

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Some Things I Learned About Getting A Home Schooler Into College

June 7, 2012

Before your child starts high school:
1. Look at the websites of colleges your child may want to attend. See what they require for high school. Make sure your child completes all the work necessary. Typically most competitive colleges want four years of Math, Science, History, English and a Foreign Language. Even if a student can graduate high school with less in your area, if you are thinking about college make sure your child takes the courses they require.

Sophomore Year:
2. Have your child begin practice tests and study guides designed to help them do well on the SAT or ACT. Most colleges will accept either test, but check to see what they prefer. Children who memorize well tend to do slightly better on the ACT. Children who like logic/ problem solving tend to do slightly better on the SAT. SAT or ACT scores typically determine whether or not your child is accepted, even if they went to public school.

Junior Year:
3. Early in the school year the PSAT will be given at your local high school. Call the high school and make sure your student takes it. It helps with scholarships. Your student may take it in the fall of their sophomore year as well, but it will be only for practice and will not count for scholarships. The PSAT must be taken in the fall of the Junior year for it to count.

4. Make sure your child takes the SAT &/or the ACT in his or her junior year. Do practice tests before hand and/or courses to improve your score. These scores, if high enough, ensure admission to many colleges. Your student can take these tests as many times as they want. Colleges only look at the highest score so don’t be afraid to take the test over to see if a higher score is possible. Make sure you have an official report from the SAT or ACT sent directly to the college. If you do not send each score to the college, they will not see it. Colleges do not ask for scores; they expect you to have them sent. Scores sent from you to the college do not count, even if you send them the original. The SAT or ACT website will explain how to have the scores sent.

5. Visit the colleges. Talk to the admissions office and ask lots of questions so you are comfortable and know how to apply. Each college also has its own ‘feel.’ Make sure your student feels comfortable on campus. I loved the hustle and bustle of a very large university. Some of my friends transferred because they could not stand it and wanted the more intimate feel of a smaller college.

6. Do not try to get your child into a college they do not qualify for. If your child scores significantly lower on the SAT than the average student at the college, they will struggle there and are more likely to drop out.

7. Before November 15th of your student’s senior year, apply to more than one college. Most colleges choose students on November 15th. After that you are admitted only if they have spots left. Some colleges accept applications even earlier, and if your student’s ACT/SAT scores are high they may guarantee a place for your student even earlier than this. Your student should know where they are going to college in early spring of their senior year. Most competitive high school students have applied to more than one college before the end of their junior year.

8. Do NOT send more information than the college asks. Look on their website, or call the admissions office. Colleges are used to dealing with home schoolers now and know exactly what they want. If you send more, the admissions office will put it into a file to look at later, and will have to sort through everything to get what they actually want. They will put this off, and you have just decreased your student’s chances of getting in. Keep the scrapbooks etc at home unless specifically asked for them. Unless your child is going to an arts/performance school, you will likely not be asked for examples of their work. Most schools just want a list of courses taken and the grades they earned. Some want to know what each course consisted of so keep track of this as well, but do not send it unless they want it.

9. Make sure you send everything the college does want on time.

10. If the college wants a GED have your student take it. There is no stigma for a home schooler in taking the GED. They just want to know that your student can pass a basic skills test, or some of their funding requires this. Two of my children have taken it, and one of them has a FULL scholarship to a very prestigious college. It’s okay. Do not try to convince the admissions office that your ‘accredited’ home school diploma is a ‘real’ diploma. They do not have to accept courses taken at other fully accredited colleges, so they most certainly do not have to accept any home school or private school diploma. Arguing with them only decreases your chances of acceptance. If you want in, play by their rules. The only exception to this is if your student may go into the military if they do not finish their college degree. They can still get in with a GED, but it is a factor. Talk to a recruiter. The military too understands home schoolers. One of my sons went into the Marines right out of high school and just completed his four years. If you do finish a college degree no one really cares how you got through high school. Did you ever ask your doctor about his high school degree?

If your child does not get into the college of their choice, or struggles once they are there:

11. If your child does not get into a four-year school, don’t panic. Going to a community college is not the end of the world. After they prove themselves at community college, they may then go to a four-year school. Many of our friends who are pharmacists, doctors etc did two years at a community college to save money, then finished their degree at a four year school. No one asks if you did your first two years somewhere other than where you graduated. Just make sure the four year college they wish to attend accepts the courses they are taking at the community college before they take them.

12. Some colleges do have an alternate achievement test for students who did not take, or did not do well on their SATs or ACTs. Others may have an alternate way to be considered for college if your child does not meet the typical criteria. This is where your scrapbooks may come in handy! Most colleges do not have this option, so do not count on it. Additionally, a student that does not fit the standard requirements typically does not do well at that institution. There are exceptions though, but it is best to put your student into a college that is a good fit academically and that they feel comfortable, and excited about going to.

13. If your student struggles with college they may want to take fewer classes each semester. It will take longer to graduate, but they will have a better chance of succeeding.

14. If your student does not do well at one college, consider transferring to another. Each college is unique. One environment may be better than another for them.

15. If your child struggles in college it may be because they have a difficult time where they are living. Most people suggest living on campus, but if your child finds ‘partying’ too distracting they may do better living at home. If they are home, they may not be studying as much since this is where they are used to playing video games and relaxing. A dorm room may then provide the environment they need to do better. I loved living in the dorms; my husband spent time in the dorms but lived at home for the last years of his undergraduate degree. We both did well.

This is not hard. Most colleges want a transcript (course names and grades) and the student’s SAT and/or ACT scores only (in addition to application fees and their forms filled out). As long as your student takes the required courses in high school, and does fairly well on their achievement tests they should be fine.

Most of the ‘horror’ stories I have heard are the result of:
1. Not sending things in on time. If you miss the deadlines, you may not get in.
2. Not sending some of the required items in at all.
3. Sending so many things that were not asked for that the admissions office could not tell what had been sent in.
4. Not taking the necessary courses in high school and then expecting to be admitted.
5. Not providing the college with what they wanted (a GED or a more complete transcript) because they went to an ‘accredited’ home school program and the parents feel that their child’s diploma should be viewed as a public high school diploma.
6. Not having high enough SAT or ACT scores for the colleges applied to and not wanting to consider other options.

Remember, the people telling the ‘horror’ stories typically leave out why it is actually their fault. Keep them talking and you will eventually figure it out. Most colleges love home schoolers because they typically do well. The biggest problem most home schoolers have in college is remembering to put their name on their paper!

By the way: If your child is going to a competitive college for something like Engineering, they will want to take Earth Science and Algebra in 8th grade so they may take Calculus & AP Biology, Chemistry or Physics their senior year. Some of these classes may be taken at a community college or on-line. Make sure your child does their science labs or the courses are not ‘high school’ level courses. Also make sure they take a Health & Nutrition Course, a course in Public Speaking and do their State Study.

I hope this helps.

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Home School

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Gluttony- Why is it a Sin?

Have you ever wondered why gluttony was a sin? Most people have, and, since many, many Christians are overweight, it is obviously not a sin that really convicts us, and causes us to change.
Here’s the problem with gluttony. (And it’s two-fold.)

1. It causes you to be less productive. Being overweight causes you to be more tired, less energetic, have more health problems etc. These problems lead to poverty, so they are to be avoided. (Scripture even says so: Prov. 23:21) Gluttony therefore either leads to laziness because you are no longer able to do things a more able person could do, or is a result of laziness (ie. You have nothing better to do than eat, and/or not enough to do to burn off the calories you consume.). I am not saying it is easy, some jobs are highly productive, yet burn little fat while being done. But being ‘fat’ does effect your health and decrease your lifespan (the time you have to teach and influence your children and others) and your productivity (even if you have a desk job, being over weight makes you want to sleep more, and be sick more often, so you get less done).

2. This was an agricultural society where famines were frequent. People who ate more than they needed were taking the chance that, by the end of the season, or if there was a famine, there would not be enough food left for everyone to survive. Food was a precious commodity, not to be wasted. Today, in the US food is plentiful, so we do not feel like we are causing the less fortunate to starve by having an extra serving. But this principle can be applied to any resource in short supply. For example: If you insist on washing your car, or watering your lawn when there is a drought, you are being a ‘glutton,’ using more than you need for your pleasure without concern for the future needs of others.

Now, before we get too crazy with the diet and exercise there are a few things that you need to keep in mind. ‘Not fat’ in Biblical times was not super-skinny, heroine-chic, supermodel thin, less than 5% body fat etc. These were the poor, and they died early because when sickness, or famine came they had no reserves to help them fight. ‘Not fat’ was probably not overly Rubenesque either. (Google the painter: Peter Paul Ruben for examples. Caution: many of them are nudes.) Why? Because people in the Jewish culture at the time the Bible was written walked everywhere. They gathered in Jerusalem for feasts three times a year, which could have been a 100 mile walk for some. Now there is evidence that pregnant women were allowed to ride on donkeys (think Mary and Joseph) but for the most part people walked. It is hard to be extremely overweight and still walk everywhere you need to go. So how thin should we be? Thin enough to do everything we need to do without tiring easily or having health problems associated with obesity, and if famine does occur, eat only what you actually need to survive so the maximum number of people may live.

Caution: Over-exercising and attention to your diet can also be a problem. If your workout routine limits how much time you have for your family or work you are doing too much. Find activities that include your family, or maybe you do not need the six-pack abs so much? Dieting and exercise can cause the same problems as obesity when it affects your health (You are so thin you are weak, you have no ability to fight infection, you are so muscular you cannot get your cell phone to your ear or cannot bend in ways you need to etc.). Or when exercise causes you to have less time to do the things you need to do, but instead of sleeping, you are at the gym. Either way, productive work is not being done by you. In my experience, most of the guys who spend three or more hours at the gym to look ripped do not have time to be good husbands/fathers, and most of the women on permanent diets are rather cranky and do not make good wives or mothers. Keep it in perspective. Also remember that God loves to have His people get together for meals. Crazy diets that limit your ability to eat with others, or worse, make you feel superior to them, limit your ability to have the relationships God wants you to have.

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Theology

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Needing to be Everything…

June 5, 2012

I watched a rerun of the TV show Bones the other night. The lead male character was explaining why a teenaged boy who was headed to M.I.T. would all of a sudden drop everything and live homeless as a squatter in an abandoned factory. It was because he was trying to ‘save’ a girl. The female lead asked, ‘How do you know this?’ ‘Because I was a teenaged boy,’ was his reply.

This conversation tells us a lot about human nature. There is something in us that wants to be the savior of the world, but it is an immature something. It is a something that keeps us from getting help, or seeking advice. It is the something that needs to dominate and lord over another person. It is the something that makes us treat the person we are ‘saving’ as if they are nothing, and would have nothing if it were not for us. It is oppressive, not nurturing. It is not trying to help the person do better, confident that they can. It is thinking that they ‘need’ me, and always will. It may be ‘nice’ and involve sacrificing and doing much for another, but it is still looking at the other person as if they are somewhat helpless and cannot possibly survive without you. This may not be exactly what you think, but it is what your actions imply. It is the wrong way to help, or treat another human being.

The conversation also implied that this need to save was ‘immature,’ something boys grew out of as they became men, but how often do we see this attitude preached in the way a man is to be to his wife, forgetting that the Proverbs 31 woman worked and ran a vineyard? She did not need saving. If anything the verses imply that the man needs her. Through her competence she will cause him to be respected and make sure that his household does not suffer. How did this get turned around? She can buy things for herself, and take care of others. What she deserves from him is praise for doing so. She does not need a husband to ‘cover’ her. (He is not her husband yet, remember this is an instruction regarding what to look for in a wife.) Instead she needs a man who will appreciate her and everything she brings into the marriage.

We get into trouble when we try to ‘save’ people. We were not made to navigate this world alone, and we were certainly not made to handle everything for ourselves and another person without help. In Genesis we are told it is not good for man to be alone. Wait, on his own was not good, so what would make us think that him taking full responsibility for two was a good thing? (And I am sure God would have said the same thing about women who try to do it all themselves as well.) The woman is an ‘ezer,’ a help-mate, a strong person that has your back when things get rough. This is not doing it alone, and protecting her from anything that might come her way. This is her helping the man, her husband!

I almost titled this, ‘Needing to be Superman,’ but then I realized that Superman had it right. He did not need to do everything. He saved the person from danger, and then deposited them, and the bad guys in front of law enforcement and left. He knew that his job was to face the extreme and do what he was uniquely suited to do and that was it. Taking care of the person after this was someone else’s task. He was in partnership with the police, doing what they could not, but not doing it all himself. This is more maturity than I thought to find in the ‘Man of Steel.’ Kudos to the comic book artists that understood that even super-heroes did not need to be self-sufficient.

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Marriage

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How IQ Tests Work (& Don’t Work)

June 4, 2012

I first noticed a problem with IQ tests after we adopted our three oldest children. They were older when they came into our house, so the school wanted them tested. I was dismayed by the results. (They were not good.) As I looked at the methods used, I noticed a problem. Many of the questions relied on the children being aware of things that you could not take for granted my children would know. My children had been neglected, and did not have a history of paying attention in school. (One of my children, age 10, did not know how to untie his shoes. School had taught him how to tie a shoe, but no one taught him to pull the laces just so. My eight year old did not yet know all of her letter sounds.) Children who have been neglected will likely have lower scores, not because they are that ‘slow,’ but because they have not yet learned.
Through the years we also tested our other children. Different children have different issues with testing. Some are meticulous. They will have difficulty if any test is timed. We had to tell one child to simply put a mark in the circle, go on, then color them in later. He was spending so much time filling in the circles on the test ‘perfectly’ that he never finished!
Other children get stuck on problems they don’t know. If the test has more difficult questions early, they will do worse. Some cannot think once their confidence is broken. A tough question early can skew the rest of the test results.
Still others do not like to sit still. They are highly energetic. If the tests are broken up into sections, with adequate breaks they do better than if they have to sit still and stay on task for long periods of time. Since exceptionally bright children often jump from one topic to another and then back again in their minds, long tests are not good for them. They will test lower than they should if they are made to sit too long.
We also noticed that the IQ tests were not necessarily written by people with high IQs. There were questions that had more than one answer, if you really thought outside the box. Since IQ tends to measure problem solving and lateral thinking skills in the upper ranges, this is also a problem. What we found was the children who truly had great problem solving skills were not the ones who finished the fasted, but the ones who engaged the tester to explain why certain questions were wrong and could not be answered. (I have an uncle who only missed two questions on his SAT. He still maintains that one of them was their error!)
So what does IQ mean? IQ tells you how well you can problem solve. It means you can think outside the box. People with extremely high IQs do not think like an average person. They typically have trouble fitting in, and doing menial, repetitive tasks. You may want them for research, but not for repetitive, detailed things like editing, cleaning or laser eye surgery. You also don’t want them in jobs that require knowing what the average person likes such as advertising, marketing or public relations. (Unless you want to be known as avant-garde or cutting edge, or just odd.)
Different thinking styles lend themselves to excellence in different areas. An incredible artist who is a friend of mine is not good at anything even vaguely administrative. I cannot stand cleaning and housework, yet give me something to research and I will forget to eat. I have a son who has volunteered to continue doing yard work after the rest of the family stopped for the day who cannot stand schoolwork. Everyone is different. Unfortunately, if put in the wrong situations for too long these people are often labeled rebellious or lazy. (I know a brilliant man who ended up stuck in a menial job for various reasons. Due to not being able to fit in he became an alcoholic. Such a waste.)
In raising a wide variety of children (thanks to adoption) we have noticed that high IQ is not that best thing for all jobs. It has its drawbacks. One of my sons is very charismatic, but has an average IQ. He is excelling in his hotel career, being promoted three times in his two months of work. Another of my sons has an incredibly high IQ. He can build anything, and enjoys doing ‘science’ for fun. (Currently he is processing rough gems he mined, and wants to finish them himself.) We laughed at the prospect of him filling in for my son in his hotel job. My gem-cleaning son frequently rubs people the wrong way, even though deep inside he loves people deeply. He just feels the need to be very ‘exact’ when talking, and needs to correct people over minor points. People don’t like this. We often find ourselves telling him, ‘One step too far,’ indicating that the conversation was good, up until that specific point.

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Home School

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My Favorite Home School Resources

June 3, 2012

For Spelling I love Wordly Wise. 

I have tried many other spelling books. The kids memorized the spelling and then promptly forgot everything. Wordly Wise is different. It combines vocabulary and reading comprehension so that the children have more to associate the words with, and thus remember, and even use some of them. Further, the reading assignments are on topics that should be learned by the time they graduate. This reinforcement helps them to remember the things they should have learned in school as an adult.

http://www.wordlywise3000.com/

Science: 

For the younger years I like the Apologia curriculum. It is colorful and fact filled. Their later materials are heavy on memorization though, and my children are more of the logic/problem solver types.

http://www.apologia.com/store/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1

For older elementary school I like Real-Science-For-Kids. It is colorful, but explains advanced concepts so well that your child will have no problem tackling their high school courses.The author is a home school mom with a PhD.

http://www.gravitaspublications.com/

In high school the best place for lab materials is Home Science Tools. Their direction materials are incredibly intact and easy to use. They also have advanced science kits and chemicals at very reasonable prices.

http://www.hometrainingtools.com/

For high school I like to supplement their curriculum with the ‘coloring book’ series by Wynn Kapit. They are incredibly detailed, but make complex concepts easier. When I was a teaching assistant we used them in the Gross Anatomy lab in college. They’re that good.There are ‘coloring books’ for anatomy, physiology, microbiology, and geography that I know of.

History:

We enjoy The Mystery of History, which can be used for all ages since she (another home school mother) has different activities for different ages.

http://www.themysteryofhistory.info/

For older elementary school, my children enjoyed watching Drive Thru History. It was one of the few DVD sets that they watched more than once without fuss.

Homepage

The children also enjoyed the Chester Comix Series. These are comic books packed with information on different historical topics. They are one of the few ‘educational’ things I could get my children to read on their own.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=chester+comix

Math:

For math it depended on the child.

My more ADHD children, who excelled in school enjoyed A Beka. http://www.abeka.com/

My children who needed a lot of repetition who like to do one thing at a time enjoyed Saxon.

http://saxonpublishers.hmhco.com/en/sxnm_home.htm

My more ‘social’ children like Teaching Textbooks.

http://www.teachingtextbooks.com/

Music:

The DVD set The History of Rock and Roll not only covered music, but provided an interesting way to bring history to life, especially with regard to civil rights.

http://www.shoppbs.org/product/index.jsp?productId=1816263

English:

Taming of the Shrew with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton makes this Shakespeare play fun.

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?client=safari&rls=en&oe=UTF-8&q=Taming+of+the+shrew+DVD&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=17369707598425568004&sa=X&ei=HevLT43YDYeU2QXCuMjaCw&ved=0CH0Q8wIwAQ#ps-sellers

Use Google to see if there were any modern remakes of the classics you are studying. For example: Did you know that The Lion King is a remake of Hamlet? That She’s the Man is Shakespeare’s 12th Night? Or that Clueless is Jane Austin’s Emma?

Extras:

There are so many things you can do in the community, and many of these resources have school discounts, special days etc to make them cheap. We have been to the opera, we take advantage of the tours at national parks, go to musicals and plays, use Groupon to find things like pottery classes, and local craft stores to take classes on things like cake decorating. We also have ordered basket weaving kits etc. Local colleges, planetariums and museums also have lectures that children may go to, as long as they are well-behaved. Recently we heard Rosylnn Carter speak at the University of New Mexico. Get Motivated Seminars are also good (and cheap) if you can keep yourself from signing up for the classes that are advertised in between the speakers.

Gym:

For gym and art I like things that will teach skills that last a life time. Martial arts, archery, horse back riding etc are things that many people do for the rest of their lives.

I’ll let you know if I think of more…

 

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Home School

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Why Men Leave the Church

June 2, 2012

Remember I grew up in a dojang filled with men. They talked. I have never seen any list or book on why men are not more active in the church actually cover anything I heard these men say. Their complaints typically fit into two categories.

1. The pastor’s a wimp. (This does not mean that the pastor is ‘feminine.’ It means he does not ‘do justice’ when he, and only he, has the authority to do so.) The man does not deal with problems, and when anyone does try to do anything about very real problems he shuts them down. He is more concerned with not upsetting people than he is with dealing with the issues in his church. Since these men have real jobs, with real bosses they assume that dealing with problems is a bosses’ job, and they see the pastor as a ‘boss.’ By not dealing with problems the church becomes essentially run by the people who don’t behave. If the men say or do anything they are labeled ‘trouble-makers.’ Real men do not like to stand around helpless while some people are being mean in front of them. They feel ‘neutered.’ This has nothing to do with the women. Usually it is the women they are trying to defend, but can’t, since pastor does not like controversy. Further, they do not enjoy seeing their wives abused, taken advantage of and looked down on by the ‘mean elite.’ They will not tell their wives not to go and do, but they will not watch it either.

2. The pastor is perfect (perfectly phony that is), and they are not. Many pastors give the impression that they are ‘perfect.’ They share only what they do right, and share it in a way that advises everyone to do it just like they do. The pastor never shares his faults, nor does he realize that his life is a lot different from a man who holds a 9 to 5 job with mandatory overtime. Now we come to the real problem. Because the pastor has been pretending to be ‘perfect’ (and his wife knows better than to say otherwise) the women in the church are in awe and spend much time talking about how great their pastor is. What the men hear is, ‘Why can’t you be more like pastor?’ They resent this, and are less likely to want to be too close to the man.

The problem is not women ‘usurping’ authority. The problem is men who either do not want to do the hard parts of the job they were hired to do, or pretending that they never do anything wrong, that their wife and children are glorious and that everyone would be awesome if they were exactly like them. ‘Too little’ and/or ‘over-the-top’ and the men leave. The women stay (mainly because they are invested in the children’s programs), and end up doing more. Then at some point someone starts complaining that the women are ‘taking over’ the church…

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Church Problems

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