Christian living- dealing with one 'oops' at a time…

Posts tagged ‘men church Christian’

Why Men Leave the Church

Remember I grew up in a dojang filled with men. They talked. I have never seen any list or book on why men are not more active in the church actually cover anything I heard these men say. Their complaints typically fit into two categories.

1. The pastor’s a wimp. (This does not mean that the pastor is ‘feminine.’ It means he does not ‘do justice’ when he, and only he, has the authority to do so.) The man does not deal with problems, and when anyone does try to do anything about very real problems he shuts them down. He is more concerned with not upsetting people than he is with dealing with the issues in his church. Since these men have real jobs, with real bosses they assume that dealing with problems is a bosses’ job, and they see the pastor as a ‘boss.’ By not dealing with problems the church becomes essentially run by the people who don’t behave. If the men say or do anything they are labeled ‘trouble-makers.’ Real men do not like to stand around helpless while some people are being mean in front of them. They feel ‘neutered.’ This has nothing to do with the women. Usually it is the women they are trying to defend, but can’t, since pastor does not like controversy. Further, they do not enjoy seeing their wives abused, taken advantage of and looked down on by the ‘mean elite.’ They will not tell their wives not to go and do, but they will not watch it either.

2. The pastor is perfect (perfectly phony that is), and they are not. Many pastors give the impression that they are ‘perfect.’ They share only what they do right, and share it in a way that advises everyone to do it just like they do. The pastor never shares his faults, nor does he realize that his life is a lot different from a man who holds a 9 to 5 job with mandatory overtime. Now we come to the real problem. Because the pastor has been pretending to be ‘perfect’ (and his wife knows better than to say otherwise) the women in the church are in awe and spend much time talking about how great their pastor is. What the men hear is, ‘Why can’t you be more like pastor?’ They resent this, and are less likely to want to be too close to the man.

The problem is not women ‘usurping’ authority. The problem is men who either do not want to do the hard parts of the job they were hired to do, or pretending that they never do anything wrong, that their wife and children are glorious and that everyone would be awesome if they were exactly like them. ‘Too little’ and/or ‘over-the-top’ and the men leave. The women stay (mainly because they are invested in the children’s programs), and end up doing more. Then at some point someone starts complaining that the women are ‘taking over’ the church…

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